Yesterday was a tough one, some big progress was made in a certain area and although its one that I want progress to be made in, it still came as a bit of a shock. I didn’t cope very well and just wanted to curl up and cry. I got over it by working hard during the day and then when I got home, packed up the kids and took them over to the park to play. We played football, piggy in the middle, running races, hide and seek… I lifted them up so they could hang from the branches of the tree and caught them when their arms couldn’t hold on any more and they fell. We all lined up on the park bench so that the smallest could pretend to be driving us to sports day on a bus. We laughed, we had fun. It helped.
My husband rang me at 5.30 and told me he was on his way home, just packing up his laptop, wouldn’t be long. I asked him to buy milk. He works 30 minutes away from home. I texted him to tell him we were at the park when I left home at 6. No reply. When we got back home from the park at 7.20 he wasn’t there. I started to run a bath and get the kids ready for bed. He arrived home at 7.30. No word of apology, in fact he seemed bemused to find me upset at him. He said that he didn’t remember saying that he was packing up his laptop and wouldnt be long. Is he for real? This is why I try and follow up every phone call with an email to him, because half the time he either denies that we had a certain conversation or just says “I don’t remember”
The park had lifted me out of my low mood but this both shot me firmly back into it and at the same time reaffirmed what I was doing. I left him to bath time and changed for a run. Unfortunately when I made my way to my trainers the wound on the back of my heel from my bike accident earlier on in the week was too sore. So I decided to get back on my trusty bike and go for a cycle ride instead. My bike and I cycle about 3 miles a day too and from work but I rarely go out on it just for fun. I rode for 4 miles along tracks and had a bit of a cry while I was doing it. It helped my mood a lot.
8 miles later, I arrived home to find all the kids still up, way past their bedtime. Of course they were, what did I expect? So, put the kids to bed, cleaned out the guinea pigs and then realised I hadn’t eaten and was hungry. It was almost 9.30 by this time, late to eat but I couldn’t not. So I threw some leftovers in the oven to warm up, had a shower and sat down to eat at about 10. Hubby magically appeared around this time and we ate together, before sitting down on the sofa to watch TV. I caught the end of the Nadar match, very sad to see him knocked out but what a success story for the Czech player.
This morning I cycled into work at a more sedate pace. The picture above is part of my route into work. Some days I feel lonely and vulnerable, always looking back over my shoulder. Today the isolation made me feel peaceful. Lets see if can keep that feeling going all day.